Five-step Programme

Yes, an enlightening interview with yours truly. Disillusioned Kid brings up the important questions of our time, and we prepare for all worst case scenarios with appropriate abandon. Read till the end, especially if you now want me to interview you.

1). As a result of climate change and/or nuclear war its suddenly got incredibly cold. The dire state of the economy reduces you to using your book collection as fuel for a fire. What goes first and what do you hide away?

 Well first I’d probably burn all those Chomsky tomes about how human beings have a choice of whether they want to avoid environmental collapse and nuclear war or not. Also, would there be any point in retaining all that post-apocalyptic fiction? Perhaps it would be useful as a reference, but could be moved to the ‘non-fiction’ category. In any case all my comic books will be hidden away and defended with my life.

2) The dead are rising and devouring the living. Millions have already succumbed and you'll soon be trapped in your home. What's your plan?

I think about this a lot. Given that I live in one of the most densely-populated areas of the world, this would be a tough situation. But on the other hand, because land is so scarce over here, we don’t have that many graveyards, so the initial crop of living dead wouldn’t be too overwhelming. If the situation does get critical, there would be no point in barricading myself in my apartment- I would be totally surrounded and wouldn’t last very long. I would take my cricket bat, put on 20 layers of clothing to guard against bites, and try to make it out to the harbour and the ferry piers. That’s about an hour and half on foot. There I would commandeer a vessel and take it out to one of the tiny outlying islands where the odds are slightly better. Can the living dead swim?

 3) At an action you are far more successful than you had anticipated and find yourself in the midst of the G8 leaders. Unfortunately the only thing within reach is those little pastries they carry round on trays at posh events of this sort. Whatca gonna do?

For a while I would watch the G8 leaders eat those dairy-laden pastries and make snarky comments because as a vegan I have a significantly lower risk of developing cholesterol-related heart problems in my lifetime. Ha ha. Then I would try to organize the tray-carriers so we could hurl pastries and obscenities at them.

 4) Complete this sentence: "Say what you like about him, but at least George W. Bush..."

Has consistently railed against foreign militants in Iraq. I’ve heard there’s at least 150,000 of them from the States alone.

5) In 97 words or less, why haven't we defeated capitalism yet?

Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.

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